I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately. I’m blessed to have many good friends who care for me, who make me laugh and who encourage me to be the best I can be.
Then there are those friends who tell me things I really don’t want to know. They are the really good friends.
They are the friends who tell me things that I already know but I either A) Don’t want to talk about it, B) Don’t want to deal with it, or C) See A and B.
Oh, I don’t mind the occasional “meant to be helpful” comment such as: I don’t like your hair like that or, I think you’re a coffee snob. (Tell me something I don’t know about myself.) It’s the comments that make me think about myself--what I’m doing, or how I’m handling something that get to me. It’s the comments from my friends who really know me well and feel comfortable enough to verbally slap me into seeing a situation for what it is and then encouraging me to do something about it, that shows me they are good friends.
Here are a few recent examples:
Friend: “Have you scheduled the mammogram you said you would have a couple weeks ago?”
Me: “I will, I just have to take care of a few other things first...”
Friend: “I don’t want to hear that. I want you to pick up the phone and do it now. Capiche?
Friend: “So, what’s going on with your father for Thanksgiving? Have you demanded a sibling step up to the plate?”
Me: “I will but everyone is busy and...”
Friend: “Shut up and call someone, you can’t do everything all the time. Aren’t you a national speaker on this topic? Shouldn’t you practice what you preach?” (Ouch.)
And my favorite from a few years ago when I was in the thick of caregiving:
Friend: “You’re no fun anymore.” That one stung, but it did make me take action.
While most of us look to friends to support us and listen to our problems, great friends take it a step further--they try to help us. If you’re too defensive to have friends like that ... it’s too bad because I think they can help you to be a better, happier person. Certainly they can help you to become someone who is in less self-denial.
And for those “friends” who really aren’t’ trying to help but who can’t help criticize your choice of shoes, love of coffee or constant caregiving calls, they’re just mean. I drop ‘em like a hot potato. I don’t have the time or the interest anymore to be with toxic people.
As far as my ego goes-- I don’t need friends. I have children to keep me in check.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Life Balance is a Roller Coaster
Every child of an aging parent grapples with the feeling she should be with their parent more. It’s a classic guilt smoothie.
Every working mother fights the feeling she should be at home with her child when she’s not home with her child.
When you are caring for children and caring for an aging parent—fasten your seat belt, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
But sometimes bumpy rides are the most fun. Do you see people lining up at their state fair to pay money to ride around the block in a smooth Cadillac? That smooth ride may be easy; it may not cause you any conflict or give you a bruise. But it probably won’t create a memory either.
I’ve had my fill of bumpy rides over the past 10 years—bumpy to the point of asking the sketchy carnie to stop the ride and let me off. And I’d be lying if I said I really liked all the memories the past years have created for me—the time my mom was diagnosed with cancer on her tongue; the time my dad told me he’d call the sheriff if I didn’t give him the car keys; the times my son forgot his lunch and his homework and his gym shorts and I had to drop them off when I was supposed to be at a meeting, the time my dad threw up in the car. But what I do know for sure (thanks for coining that phrase, Oprah) is that the bumps make life interesting. They create character and they peel back the onion of our lives to see what the core is. Sometimes, it makes you cry, often it smells, but the onion usually adds a lot of flavor too.
When you find yourself on the roller coaster of life—go along for the ride. But make sure your ride has a few fun moments—hugs and laughs and milkshakes—and that it’s not all scary. And that the carnival guy running the ride has a few teeth and doesn’t smell like whiskey.
And it’s always best to check the safety belt.
Every working mother fights the feeling she should be at home with her child when she’s not home with her child.
When you are caring for children and caring for an aging parent—fasten your seat belt, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
But sometimes bumpy rides are the most fun. Do you see people lining up at their state fair to pay money to ride around the block in a smooth Cadillac? That smooth ride may be easy; it may not cause you any conflict or give you a bruise. But it probably won’t create a memory either.
I’ve had my fill of bumpy rides over the past 10 years—bumpy to the point of asking the sketchy carnie to stop the ride and let me off. And I’d be lying if I said I really liked all the memories the past years have created for me—the time my mom was diagnosed with cancer on her tongue; the time my dad told me he’d call the sheriff if I didn’t give him the car keys; the times my son forgot his lunch and his homework and his gym shorts and I had to drop them off when I was supposed to be at a meeting, the time my dad threw up in the car. But what I do know for sure (thanks for coining that phrase, Oprah) is that the bumps make life interesting. They create character and they peel back the onion of our lives to see what the core is. Sometimes, it makes you cry, often it smells, but the onion usually adds a lot of flavor too.
When you find yourself on the roller coaster of life—go along for the ride. But make sure your ride has a few fun moments—hugs and laughs and milkshakes—and that it’s not all scary. And that the carnival guy running the ride has a few teeth and doesn’t smell like whiskey.
And it’s always best to check the safety belt.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Faces of Caring photo contest!
I just launched the contest: Faces of Caring, and the winning photos will be used to create a montage to go with the new song by Megon McDonough: Caring. The Kodak prizes--digital cameras, movie cameras and frames have arrived and I’m so excited to see all photo entries.
Thanks Kodak!
If I were a weepy, really sentimental person, I’d be vaclempt. But I’m not. (Well, occasionally while watching a Hallmark commercial). I’m just jazzed to see all the photos and how creative people are. You can check out the contest on my homepage: mollyspeaks.com
Synergy HomeCare, a home care company that provides companionship, respite care, bathing, errands (really everything that you would do for your loved one, if you could), is helping to sponsor this contest, so a big shout out to them!
If you care for someone, or know anyone who does—have them take a photo, who knows...you could win.
The deadline is March 1st, 2010, so get going!
Happy New Year!
Molly
Thanks Kodak!
If I were a weepy, really sentimental person, I’d be vaclempt. But I’m not. (Well, occasionally while watching a Hallmark commercial). I’m just jazzed to see all the photos and how creative people are. You can check out the contest on my homepage: mollyspeaks.com
Synergy HomeCare, a home care company that provides companionship, respite care, bathing, errands (really everything that you would do for your loved one, if you could), is helping to sponsor this contest, so a big shout out to them!
If you care for someone, or know anyone who does—have them take a photo, who knows...you could win.
The deadline is March 1st, 2010, so get going!
Happy New Year!
Molly
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
