The Friendship Factor

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately. I’m blessed to have many good friends who care for me, who make me laugh and who encourage me to be the best I can be.

Then there are those friends who tell me things I really don’t want to know. They are the really good friends.

They are the friends who tell me things that I already know but I either A) Don’t want to talk about it, B) Don’t want to deal with it, or C) See A and B.

Oh, I don’t mind the occasional “meant to be helpful” comment such as: I don’t like your hair like that or, I think you’re a coffee snob. (Tell me something I don’t know about myself.) It’s the comments that make me think about myself--what I’m doing, or how I’m handling something that get to me. It’s the comments from my friends who really know me well and feel comfortable enough to verbally slap me into seeing a situation for what it is and then encouraging me to do something about it, that shows me they are good friends.

Here are a few recent examples:

Friend: “Have you scheduled the mammogram you said you would have a couple weeks ago?”
Me: “I will, I just have to take care of a few other things first...”
Friend: “I don’t want to hear that. I want you to pick up the phone and do it now. Capiche?


Friend: “So, what’s going on with your father for Thanksgiving? Have you demanded a sibling step up to the plate?”

Me: “I will but everyone is busy and...”

Friend: “Shut up and call someone, you can’t do everything all the time. Aren’t you a national speaker on this topic? Shouldn’t you practice what you preach?” (Ouch.)

And my favorite from a few years ago when I was in the thick of caregiving:

Friend: “You’re no fun anymore.” That one stung, but it did make me take action.

While most of us look to friends to support us and listen to our problems, great friends take it a step further--they try to help us. If you’re too defensive to have friends like that ... it’s too bad because I think they can help you to be a better, happier person. Certainly they can help you to become someone who is in less self-denial.

And for those “friends” who really aren’t’ trying to help but who can’t help criticize your choice of shoes, love of coffee or constant caregiving calls, they’re just mean. I drop ‘em like a hot potato. I don’t have the time or the interest anymore to be with toxic people.

As far as my ego goes-- I don’t need friends. I have children to keep me in check.