The Stress Mess

If there is one thing I know for sure, life is messy.

Oh, sure, life fakes you out from time to time. Lets you think you've got things semi under control. You know the drill: The kids' school papers are signed, shots up to date, bills paid, laundry done and actually put away, proposal out (with no spelling errors), and life has settled into a reasonable facsimile of normal, with soccer games and actual family meals involving plates and silverware, when … BAM! The Unexpected.

As I said, messy. The theme of my life. And, I'm guessing, yours.
This summer was a particularity messy month. My father broke his hip--a difficult situation in itself, but when you add Alzheimer's into the mix, the mess quotient magnifies. No doubt, the memory of your own recent messy period is still fresh. Or maybe you're in the midst of one right now.

And the last thing you need is someone chirping about how you just need to look on the bright side and seek life balance. So I won't do that. Besides, I'm not the chirpy type. Is there even such a thing as life balance? Is it really possible to take care of yourself while juggling mounting crises in the midst of seemingly unbearable stress?

From my perspective, the answer is yes. And no. It all depends upon your definition of life balance. If it's a permanent state of non-stress and smooth sailing you're seeking, you're probably on a never-ending quest. But it is possible for mere mortals to field whatever life-mess is hurled at them this week and at the same time, stay (relatively) sane and healthy.

Breathe
I know, this sounds ridiculously simple. After all, if you were not doing this one thing, you would be, well, dead. But really, deep, thoughtful breathing can help. So can a bottle of wine, but let's start with breathing.

Different healing systems, from different cultures, have long understood the healing benefits of the breath. Yoga, Tai Chi and some forms of meditation embrace this philosophy, as well as most holistic practitioners. The belief is that breath is the link between the physical body and the ethereal mind, and that spiritual insight is possible through conscious breathing. (Spiritual insights are great, and that's on my to-do list, but most of the time, I'm deeply grateful for stress control and moments of tranquility. So is my family.)

Since you're reading this, you've evidently managed some base level of breathing proficiency. Way to go! But, for healing and stress reduction, not just any kind of breathing will do. Scientific studies have shown that it's correct breathing that helps manage stress and stress-related conditions. Yep, they say it soothes the autonomic nervous system. Evidently, autonomic-type systems are very needy. And nitpicky about how you breathe. So it's got to be deep, slow, and purposeful.

There's a whole bunch of physiology and science involved, but the only thing you really need to remember is this: If your abdomen gently moves in and out while you breathe, then you are breathing correctly. For you analytic types, who need to know more about how and why this work, Google it. You'll have more information than you know what to do with.

Take Stock
Ask yourself…What's really going on? Slow down and identify the one or two things that are making you feel scattered, exhausted or out of control. Focus on those. Most feelings of being overwhelmed stem from definable, core issues. Often, the hundreds of unrelated stresses we're buried under aren't unrelated at all. Find the underlying culprit.For me, this summer's culprit was sleep deprivation. Serious sleep deprivation. The stretches of days and nights at my father's bedside took a toll that was physical, emotional, and mental. I felt like one big, hideous bruise with eyes lodged somewhere in the back of my neck. At one point, I actually approached delusional. (Yes, even more than usual.)
So I got help from Synergy HomeCare, and my sister came into town to share in the caregiving. While the situation hadn't fundamentally changed and the challenges remained ongoing, they were now manageable. With sleep, I could once again function. My eyes now sit neatly in their sockets.Figure out what's really going on. And if you need help, for crying out loud, ask for it.

Laugh
It may seem counterintuitive to have fun and laugh when you are experiencing an enormous amount of stress, but really, isn't that exactly when you most need the healing, restorative powers of laughter? Laughter is free, easy and releases all sorts of groovy, natural drugs into your system. Besides, people will be more apt to want to be around you, ready and willing to lend a hand. Maybe they'll even interpret your good humor as strength of character and whisper glowing admirations of you behind your back.

Laugh? Easier said than done, you mutter at me through clenched jaw. Of course. I know that. But it does get easier with practice. More importantly, if you get out of the habit of laughing and seeing the humor in things, you begin to lose the capacity for it at all. Watch a comedy, get together with a fun friend and reminisce about something outrageously silly. If you can't steal the time for that, you can still find opportunities to laugh. They're everywhere. And forget about whether it's appropriate. It is. Remember how Mary Richards in "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" behaved at Chuckles the Clown's funeral? Laughter is good medicine.
There will always be unexpected rough patches in our lives. We can choose to have a pity party and get worn-down and sick and become even more ineffective and powerless. Or we can choose to assess situations, and take positive action on the things that are within our power to change.

What will you choose?

Time Warp

It can’t be over. It just can’t be. It just got here.

I know it’s coming to an end by the activity at Wal-Mart (not that I shop there) and Office Depot. The abundant commercials on TV for Elmer’s glue and super- creative-cool- hot colored folders. The month on the calendar also clued me in.

Yesterday I golfed with a friend for the first time all year. It would have been obvious it was my first time out had you been there.

My brother recently remarked, “I roll over and look at the clock that says 6:00 A.M . and think, why even get up? The day is already gone.”

Time is going so fast.

It’s not that I waste time. Well, okay fine. I do. But still, everyone seems to have felt it this year. Especially if you live in Minnesota where summer comes and goes in the time in takes you to find the charcoal and light up the grill. It was cold. It was hot. It was hot again, Then, really, really hot. Then it rained. A lot.

Today it’s beautiful and instead of enjoying every single moment of it (like I tell my audiences to do), I am thinking about November and how I will get through it. I have great speaking engagements in September and October, but not one in November…when I need to get out of Dodge.


I know I should be outside and not writing this blog. But, I need to get it out of my system. Now I’ve dumped on you, my reader. I feel better though. So thanks.

I’d like to call an end to November. Let’s just have one day that month: Thanksgiving. Then we could slide right into December--- the month of Joy and celebration. Yes, we’ll have even less time, but it will be quality time.

Who’s with me?